maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
