I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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