That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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