Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
