Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
