even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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