the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
