i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
