That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
