She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
