so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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