He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
