be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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