margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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