if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
