do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
