He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
