Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
