You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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