Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
