you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
