he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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