you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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