i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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