the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
