finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
