I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
