woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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