how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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