Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
