If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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