he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
