Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
