A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
