He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
