Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I came so hard my ears popped.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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