If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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