Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was CRYING into my vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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