??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
