My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
