do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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