I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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