escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
