Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
