fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
