I need help removing her.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ttyl tear gas
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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