So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
