i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
