so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
