i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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