I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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