He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
